Time for a Laugh [18++]

Posted by Member douvinsky on 12/10/12 09:11 PM #1
Posts: 1445

Any good jokes to share?

Here is one.

http://i.imgur.com/WoSBZ.jpg
Posted by Member douvinsky on 12/10/12 09:11 PM #2
Posts: 1445

Here is another one.

The three tragedies in men's life:

1. Life sucks
2. Job sucks
3. Wife doesn't
Posted by Member h311o on 12/11/12 03:14 AM #3
Posts: 204

Posted by douvinsky at 12/10/2012 09:11 PM

Here is another one.

The three tragedies in men's life:

1. Life sucks
2. Job sucks
3. Wife doesn't


ROFL
what a joke?

To go on with that I hope nobody has to tell these from own experience :)
Posted by Member Buzzell on 12/11/12 05:14 PM #4
Posts: 296

Since you've made this thread 18+, I'm going to submit pornography.
Posted by Admin DHAdmin on 12/11/12 05:16 PM #5
Posts: 938

Posted by Buzzell at 12/11/2012 05:14 PM

Since you've made this thread 18+, I'm going to submit pornography.


Nope
Posted by Member Buzzell on 12/11/12 05:18 PM #6
Posts: 296

@anuiran I'm impressed by the swift response. I hope you know I wasn't actually planning on it.
Posted by Member Baldy on 12/11/12 06:45 PM #7
Posts: 706

Posted by Buzzell at 12/11/2012 05:18 PM

@anuiran I'm impressed by the swift response. I hope you know I wasn't actually planning on it.


Good job Buzz. Did you get a warning on your acct?

You probably should have regardless...lol.
Posted by Member Khan on 12/11/12 06:50 PM #8
Posts: 1195

So I walk into a bar and buy an ugly with no pretty friends a drink.

^ Massive joke.
Posted by Member Buzzell on 12/12/12 02:07 PM #9
Posts: 296

@baldy, I don't have a warning, I didn't submit anything graphic. I just said I was going to.
Posted by Member shniggies on 12/12/12 05:18 PM #10
Posts: 909

there are 3 missionaries out in the jungle and they get caught by cannibals and they are told they're gonna be eaten
1 of the missionaries knows their culture and asks to take the right of challenge, so they said ok
The 3 are told to go into the jungle and bring back 10 fruits of their choice

The first guy brings back 10 apples because he loves apples and thinks this is going to be an eating contest, however he is told he must shove all 10 apples up his butt without flinching or making a sound. He is able to get 1 in, but after the 2nd, he flinches and he is killed on the spot

The 2nd guy comes back with 10 berries, and is instructed the same. He gets to 8 when he suddenly bursts into laughter. The cannibals look at each other confused, but they kill him anyways

2nd guy gets to heaven and the 1st says to him "dude you were so close! what happen?"
"I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples!"
Posted by Member Khan on 12/12/12 05:31 PM #11
Posts: 1195

Your momma's so fat........
Posted by Member shniggies on 12/12/12 05:35 PM #12
Posts: 909

Posted by Khan at 12/12/2012 05:31 PM

Your momma's so fat........

that when she jump for joy... she got stuck
Posted by Member Baldy on 12/12/12 05:51 PM #13
Posts: 706

Posted by shniggies at 12/12/2012 05:35 PM

Posted by Khan at 12/12/2012 05:31 PM

Your momma's so fat........

that when she jump for joy... she got stuck


LMFAO!! @ work no less!!!
Posted by Member baccarat0809 on 12/12/12 06:20 PM #14
Posts: 376

What happens when you have a Polish man marry a Puerto Rican woman?

Their kid spray paints on chain link fences ....

==================================

How do you stop the Polish navy from sinking?

You take off the screen doors.

==================================

Why does the Polish navy use glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old Polish navy.

==================================

How did the Polish guy break his arm raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

==================================

How do you get a one-armed Polish guy out of a tree?

You wave to him.

==================================

How do you get 100 Canadians out of a pool?

You ask them to leave.

==================================

What's 600 lawyers dead on the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

==================================

Anuiran - feel free to edit anything you don't think belongs.

And if I offended you, I apologize in advance.

And yes, I'm almost 100% of Polish decent.
Posted by Member baccarat0809 on 12/12/12 06:22 PM #15
Posts: 376

Lets see if this works.

Again, apologize if I offend anyone.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CO9TEwb0Icw/SwbGuR7_MLI/AAAAAAAAAWs/3zVavL5eVzE/s1600/The+Good+Wife's+Guide.jpg
Posted by Member Khan on 12/12/12 06:50 PM #16
Posts: 1195

Posted by baccarat0809 at 12/12/2012 06:22 PM

Lets see if this works.

Again, apologize if I offend anyone.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_CO9TEwb0Icw/SwbGuR7_MLI/AAAAAAAAAWs/3zVavL5eVzE/s1600/The+Good+Wife's+Guide.jpg


This definitely was written for soft wimpy men!
Posted by Member Baldy on 12/12/12 07:03 PM #17
Posts: 706

Exactly. What candy-ass needs his wife to wipe his ass and make pb&j sammiches for him all the damn time?

It is amusing either way. lol
Posted by Member douvinsky on 12/12/12 08:59 PM #18
Posts: 1445

@euggie

I read your joke just before my doctor visit.
When I was lying face down on the treatment bed I was laughing hard at the joke and my doctor thought I had a seizure.
Posted by Member shniggies on 12/12/12 09:40 PM #19
Posts: 909

Posted by douvinsky at 12/12/2012 08:59 PM

@euggie

I read your joke just before my doctor visit.
When I was lying face down on the treatment bed I was laughing hard at the joke and my doctor thought I had a seizure.


LOL! hopefully he didn't administer the wrong drug
Posted by Member douvinsky on 4/7/13 07:47 PM #20
Posts: 1445


d2jsp Hardcore Death Best Laugh
Posted by Member EnzyOne on 4/8/13 04:47 AM #21
Posts: 108

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks.
Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.
"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"


.... ewwy.
Posted by Member Raulz0r on 4/9/13 05:11 AM #22
Posts: 151

http://i.imgur.com/0YnpVU3.jpg

Posted by Member Khan on 4/9/13 10:55 AM #23
Posts: 1195

Posted by EnzyOne at 04/08/2013 04:47 AM

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks.
Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.
"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"


.... ewwy.


I like this! Stealing it!
Posted by Member Khan on 4/13/13 01:23 PM #24
Posts: 1195

In case you needed a new coloring book.

In case you wanted to know what you shouldn't be wanking to.

Of course my favorite book that helped me with my problem.
Posted by Member Baldy on 4/26/13 09:29 AM #25
Posts: 706

Facebook fodder...hilarious!!

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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